by MHELSS
In every relationship, there is always room for arguments—a struggle between partners be it on finances or even the pettiest of things like the toilet seat. And to have an absence of this, seem more like a superficial partnership. Yes, we see people who live their lives blissfully together. This does not mean they never had a single argument all those years. It just so happens, that these people would rather treasure their good times rather than linger in those petty quarrels, therefore preserving their relationships. However, others would like to see their point across, rather than calming down. I’m not to judge or even wonder why. It’s a natural instinct seen in every form of living being. Once cornered, you gather your strength and try to defend yourself, your stand. It’s perfectly normal. However if this will always be your reason for you to make a point, I don’t know how long you can keep your relationship.
The spices of a relationship will not always make it better especially after making out. In fact, it can break the relationship to some extent. Here are some that are quite common, let’s see how these can turn a relationship from bad to worse.
Selfishness. Alone, before you even met your partner. Your selfishness revolved around your things, what you have gathered over the years, things you treasure. People will see it selfish if you don’t share. On your end however, since you have earned or even worked for it, you feel you have every right to set a boundary on the frequency of this “sharing ritual.” And that’s normal, though you might be seen as greedy, it’s still your right to lend things or not. However, once you enter into a relationship, this sense of individuality changes. Things will not always be yours anymore. Things will not always go your way any longer. And there is always that responsibility to think not only for yourself but your partner. To some extent, those things that you treasure dearly for whatever reason may even be oddly amusing to your partner, to your dismay. For some, to be mocked or laughed at by your partner by things you thought were important, will seem be funny in the end. And you’ll start to see things differently. That’s where your respect for one another comes in. You, yourself would see things rather bizarre from your partner, be it the way she keeps things seemingly unimportant to you. Both of you will eventually come to a compromise. On the other hand, if you don’t, it will be a never ending story of what belongs to whom. If even one of you can’t reach a compromise, I suggest get out of the relationship before you rip each other apart.
Another form of selfishness is being possessive. Yes, it’s normal to feel overly protective of your partner. After all, your partner is your second half, the bearer of your heart. Lose your partner and you feel as though you’ve lost half of yourself. I’ve heard it somewhere before. We were all born as angels with one wing, and we have to find that other person to fly back to heave. Beautiful isn’t it? But you see, your partner will not always think of it that way. You have to understand, your partner is not a thing, without mind or feeling. Even if you are married, you do not own a person. Yes, hard to believe. Your domineering attitude will display your lack of trust, not just to your partner but to the strength of your relationship. If both of you truly think you are meant for each other, then trust your partner to take care of your relationship as much as you. There is no point in dwelling in a relationship when you are still fighting your inner demons.
Personal Space. When two people get into a partnership, eventually they see too much of themselves on each other that they lose their sense of self. Yes, again this is normal in a course of a relationship. However admit it, no one likes a clone. And surely the two of you would request of even worse demand for a little personal space. This ought to be respected. When a person falls in love, he can’t help but lose himself in it. And that’s okay. But it doesn’t mean he has fallen out of love when he wants some space. More often than not it’s the other way around. A person lost would always want to find himself once more. A noble request for him o reevaluate what matters to him and what defines him as a person—a very important factor in every relationship. When a person fails to identify what he values in life, he can’t expect his partner to know this either. And this normally starts a gap between them. You would wonder, why can’t your partner reevaluate everything with you? With you around, his assessment would be biased.
Consider this, ever since you both got into the relationship, all decision you both made were always centered upon the needs of the partnership and not on each individual. He can’t avoid doing that with the partner around all the time. And again, this doesn’t mean that you mean nothing to you partner. There are things that are just better off when he alone decides, especially if it includes his life. This normally calls for a little open mindedness from both parties. Give yourselves time alone, to think about things. Don’t insist that once your done, your partner will is too and vice-versa. You still are two completely different people. You didn’t get into the partnership to be a clone to one another. You went got into the relationship in a mutual understanding that you accept each other for who they are, for their uniqueness.
Indifference. Opposite of love is not hate but indifference. When you’ve reached that point where you can’t feel anything at all for you partner, just leave. Pretending won’t help. However if you take everything away, all the love, all the hate, the anger and frustration and you still find yourself caring for that person, then stay. When frustrations pile up, you turn into this volcano ready to erupt. These frustration is not solely because of you partner. In some instances, it’s your incapacity to do things you used to now that you are in a relationship. Therefore your partner becomes the target. This bitterness you feel is not an indicator that you are falling out of your relationship. However this is something you both have to work out. Your partner will not always know your past or things you were used to doing. Communication would be the key to reach out.
However, when the moment comes when even the smallest of gesture to show a little appreciation to your partner is too much for you, then think twice. Or when even smiling seems like pretending, I suggest evaluate yourself. Imagine yourself in a glass box, seeing everything happening around you, seeing everything happening to your partner whether good or bad and you can’t feel any emotion for it or even bother caring why you can’t, that my friend is indifference.
Changing the perspective, if your partner is apathetic, you can’t force him to be otherwise, even if it’s hurting you or even if you want it to change. It will only worsen things. So, though you still love that person, if your partner can’t have any bit of emotion towards you, let go. Yes it will hurt badly. But it will drive you insane to stay, because even if your partner is around, you’ll still feel alone. Begging for it to change would not help either; it will be a lonely one way love affair.
Carelessness. Your incapacity to pay attention for your partner’s feelings is carelessness. It cannot be avoided that there are things sensitive to your partner that you may not find important at all. Even so, do not disregard this, because this might just be the reason everything falls apart. So before that happens, find a compromise.
In every relationship, there is always room for arguments—a struggle between partners be it on finances or even the pettiest of things like the toilet seat. And to have an absence of this, seem more like a superficial partnership. Yes, we see people who live their lives blissfully together. This does not mean they never had a single argument all those years. It just so happens, that these people would rather treasure their good times rather than linger in those petty quarrels, therefore preserving their relationships. However, others would like to see their point across, rather than calming down. I’m not to judge or even wonder why. It’s a natural instinct seen in every form of living being. Once cornered, you gather your strength and try to defend yourself, your stand. It’s perfectly normal. However if this will always be your reason for you to make a point, I don’t know how long you can keep your relationship.
The spices of a relationship will not always make it better especially after making out. In fact, it can break the relationship to some extent. Here are some that are quite common, let’s see how these can turn a relationship from bad to worse.
Selfishness. Alone, before you even met your partner. Your selfishness revolved around your things, what you have gathered over the years, things you treasure. People will see it selfish if you don’t share. On your end however, since you have earned or even worked for it, you feel you have every right to set a boundary on the frequency of this “sharing ritual.” And that’s normal, though you might be seen as greedy, it’s still your right to lend things or not. However, once you enter into a relationship, this sense of individuality changes. Things will not always be yours anymore. Things will not always go your way any longer. And there is always that responsibility to think not only for yourself but your partner. To some extent, those things that you treasure dearly for whatever reason may even be oddly amusing to your partner, to your dismay. For some, to be mocked or laughed at by your partner by things you thought were important, will seem be funny in the end. And you’ll start to see things differently. That’s where your respect for one another comes in. You, yourself would see things rather bizarre from your partner, be it the way she keeps things seemingly unimportant to you. Both of you will eventually come to a compromise. On the other hand, if you don’t, it will be a never ending story of what belongs to whom. If even one of you can’t reach a compromise, I suggest get out of the relationship before you rip each other apart.
Another form of selfishness is being possessive. Yes, it’s normal to feel overly protective of your partner. After all, your partner is your second half, the bearer of your heart. Lose your partner and you feel as though you’ve lost half of yourself. I’ve heard it somewhere before. We were all born as angels with one wing, and we have to find that other person to fly back to heave. Beautiful isn’t it? But you see, your partner will not always think of it that way. You have to understand, your partner is not a thing, without mind or feeling. Even if you are married, you do not own a person. Yes, hard to believe. Your domineering attitude will display your lack of trust, not just to your partner but to the strength of your relationship. If both of you truly think you are meant for each other, then trust your partner to take care of your relationship as much as you. There is no point in dwelling in a relationship when you are still fighting your inner demons.
Personal Space. When two people get into a partnership, eventually they see too much of themselves on each other that they lose their sense of self. Yes, again this is normal in a course of a relationship. However admit it, no one likes a clone. And surely the two of you would request of even worse demand for a little personal space. This ought to be respected. When a person falls in love, he can’t help but lose himself in it. And that’s okay. But it doesn’t mean he has fallen out of love when he wants some space. More often than not it’s the other way around. A person lost would always want to find himself once more. A noble request for him o reevaluate what matters to him and what defines him as a person—a very important factor in every relationship. When a person fails to identify what he values in life, he can’t expect his partner to know this either. And this normally starts a gap between them. You would wonder, why can’t your partner reevaluate everything with you? With you around, his assessment would be biased.
Consider this, ever since you both got into the relationship, all decision you both made were always centered upon the needs of the partnership and not on each individual. He can’t avoid doing that with the partner around all the time. And again, this doesn’t mean that you mean nothing to you partner. There are things that are just better off when he alone decides, especially if it includes his life. This normally calls for a little open mindedness from both parties. Give yourselves time alone, to think about things. Don’t insist that once your done, your partner will is too and vice-versa. You still are two completely different people. You didn’t get into the partnership to be a clone to one another. You went got into the relationship in a mutual understanding that you accept each other for who they are, for their uniqueness.
Indifference. Opposite of love is not hate but indifference. When you’ve reached that point where you can’t feel anything at all for you partner, just leave. Pretending won’t help. However if you take everything away, all the love, all the hate, the anger and frustration and you still find yourself caring for that person, then stay. When frustrations pile up, you turn into this volcano ready to erupt. These frustration is not solely because of you partner. In some instances, it’s your incapacity to do things you used to now that you are in a relationship. Therefore your partner becomes the target. This bitterness you feel is not an indicator that you are falling out of your relationship. However this is something you both have to work out. Your partner will not always know your past or things you were used to doing. Communication would be the key to reach out.
However, when the moment comes when even the smallest of gesture to show a little appreciation to your partner is too much for you, then think twice. Or when even smiling seems like pretending, I suggest evaluate yourself. Imagine yourself in a glass box, seeing everything happening around you, seeing everything happening to your partner whether good or bad and you can’t feel any emotion for it or even bother caring why you can’t, that my friend is indifference.
Changing the perspective, if your partner is apathetic, you can’t force him to be otherwise, even if it’s hurting you or even if you want it to change. It will only worsen things. So, though you still love that person, if your partner can’t have any bit of emotion towards you, let go. Yes it will hurt badly. But it will drive you insane to stay, because even if your partner is around, you’ll still feel alone. Begging for it to change would not help either; it will be a lonely one way love affair.
Carelessness. Your incapacity to pay attention for your partner’s feelings is carelessness. It cannot be avoided that there are things sensitive to your partner that you may not find important at all. Even so, do not disregard this, because this might just be the reason everything falls apart. So before that happens, find a compromise.
Accept that each person see things differently; what may be important for some may not be to you and vice-versa. It’s a simple fact of life but very powerful. In fact some things are rather important to certain people that their individuality, their sense of self revolves around it. If you can’t accept this or even laugh at this mediocrity, it’s just like laughing to their very personality. If that were you, you would feel insulted. Failure to recognize what matters to your partner would only mean you don’t really care that much of how she feels as a person. Of course, what would be the use hanging on, when your partner really never care anyway?
On the other hand, when you exert effort, to do the simplest of things, don’t be mislead—your partner sees it, and knows it. And though there are times that your partner might not seem to notice, trust me…he does. Eventually it becomes a habit for you both, that when it is stopped, you both will look for that little gesture of thoughtfulness. In fact in some instances, that might be the one thing that will save the relationship.
Envy. No this is the being envious that someone is flirting with your partner. This is the envy felt that another couple is doing better than your relationship. As much as one person is different from another, so does a partnership. Comparing what you have and what you don’t have to another relationship will strain your bond with your partner. So when you think that a friend is happier from their luxurious dinner at some fancy restaurant, ask yourself was your first date when u fell madly deeply in love spent in some fancy restaurant, or was it a lovely picnic in some isolated beach?
Envy. No this is the being envious that someone is flirting with your partner. This is the envy felt that another couple is doing better than your relationship. As much as one person is different from another, so does a partnership. Comparing what you have and what you don’t have to another relationship will strain your bond with your partner. So when you think that a friend is happier from their luxurious dinner at some fancy restaurant, ask yourself was your first date when u fell madly deeply in love spent in some fancy restaurant, or was it a lovely picnic in some isolated beach?
It’s probably normal since I see it all the time, when a relationship hits rough seas, people tend to seek advice from friends, thinking their friends have it better than what they have. It’s normal initial reaction for you to think of it that way, after all you’re the one in a mess and they’re not. However, you have to consider, how much they know about you, your partner and your relationship? And when you relay to them your problem, you can never be too sure how biased you have become. There are always 3 sides to a story, yours, your partner’s and the truth. And what about the interpretation of your friends? It will also be entirely different from how you see it. Your envy will all be for nothing in the end. And who knows, they may have a different problem themselves. They are no more expert to you relationship as much as you are to them, even if you guys have been friends for a long time. Yes it is okay to take advice. Just remember, what may work for them wont for you. And you know better.
The spices of a relationship are just a few pointers for all of us to help us understand just how important it is not just to accept who are partners are and what makes them who they are but also who we are and what makes us who we are. It’s not our commonality that makes our relationships, it’s our acceptance that we are separate individuals whose eccentric personalities we fallen in love with.
The spices of a relationship are just a few pointers for all of us to help us understand just how important it is not just to accept who are partners are and what makes them who they are but also who we are and what makes us who we are. It’s not our commonality that makes our relationships, it’s our acceptance that we are separate individuals whose eccentric personalities we fallen in love with.
Interesting article ...
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