Husband

“Are you happy being a full-time wife and mom?” my husband asked me one sunny afternoon. After being married for almost 10 years now, he simply could not believe that I am his wife, whom he knew as an ambitious, workaholic, perfectionist and goal driven lady survived a domesticated life. He was even amazed that I was happy and contented with it.

He would asked me, “Love, when we got a chance to have a lot of money, all the things you wanted to do with your life, all your plans and dreams, I promise I’ll reach them for you.”

I was an internet person and sometimes, when he saw me looking at my friends photos and profiles at this particular networking site, he would tell me, “Don’t feel jealous, or envious, you are wise, you’re much luckier than them because you are living a happy and almost perfect marriage.”

I always wonder if this is his way of comforting me from something I don’t feel, or just a way of convincing himself that I am truly happy with him.

I told him about relationship advices I have read about keeping one's individuality and independence, of not totally submitting yourself to your mate in order not to lose your identity and self worth, of keeping some things secret to keep the mystery and passion alive in a marriage. We both laugh about it and said it was all trash.

Now I know he was happy and proud of the fact that independent “me” trusted him with all my life. This strong lady still looked up to him as my tower of strength. That this wise lady listened with awe at the things he would teach. And that this introvert child-woman in me has bared her life to him in complete transparency.

That this stubborn lady believed and lived her marriage according to one Biblical principle " Husbands love your wives, and wives submit to your husband"

And I am glad i did so too...

It doesn’t matter if we started out our marriage with petty quarrels and irrational temper tantrums, and with hurtful accusations and jealous reactions over his non-existent "mistress" ( i was jealous of all women around him, even his car lift driver who was old enough to be my grandmother), in the end, everything became perfect, because I gave my ALL. And he saw it, felt it, and never held back in giving his ALL too and since he saw that he (and and our daughter) had become the most important person in my life, in return, I had become and was treated the most important person/woman in his life too.

Then I knew, my childhood dreams and plans were just reflections of my one great dream in life - to be a wife who, in all her capacity, is someone whom her husband can really call, "my life partner" and "for richer or for poorer", “in sickness and in health”, and to be a mother who is also her child's best friend.

I found and lived the essence of being woman.

When the time comes, I will be able to say, I loved my man enough to give up my dreams for him, enough to merge my identity with his, to live my life in his life. And no, I was never a doormat, for the moment my man saw I was willing to submit to him, our marriage became a partnership, of equal giving and taking; his and mines’ dreams, goals and plans became OURS. There was total transparency between us, we understood what every little action and word meant, making everything more meaningful instead. It’s just so sad and frustrating he left me so early. He widowed me young.

Wives love your husband with more than you can give. You never know when he will be taken away from you. Treat every day as if it were your last with him, never hold anything back, so when time comes, you can truthfully say you never had any regrets.

I felt scared. I feel like losing myself.

I found a husband who was almost perfect to be true; been happy every second of my life we were together. Even in his death, the love he left me with remains enough to keep me for another lifetime.