In this modern time, counseling couples who would get married is very rare. Until the ninth century, marriages were not church involved. Civil wedding is being utilized by most couples, because it's a simple and inexpensive way of a wedding ceremony. Couples that are not much of a religious type cuts the chase of the church wedding preparations and goes straights to the justice at their local City Hall. Some couples get married and gives no time at all to take up a on marriage orientation. Couples who opt to have their wedding at the church are required to attend in pre-counseling about marriage, and the church played a big role in it. Pre-marital counseling gives instructions to couples on how to deal with the basics of being a marriage couple. Those basics includes: finances, bringing up and caring for children, and even skills on how to communicate with each other in times of conflict and other problems that will arise in a marriage relationship.
Some few indications:
Reality bites - always be real to each other - no pretensions whatsoever. This is no time to pretend something you are not. After the honeymoon, many say people's true colors become even clearer. It's should be expected that you do not know much yet, and you will find out soon about your partner. This is because, sometimes, when couples are still in their courtship period, they do not have much time discovering the reality of themselves. They do not spend time together the whole day doing all the things normal husband and wives do in their everyday life, what I'm trying to say is that, they were not given the time to discover each others mannerism or attitude towards something or anything. Sometimes, during courtship, couple pretends to be someone likable or very loving, when in fact they are real annoying or tedious persons. Both couples should be REAL, and you'll have a peace and quiet, non-straining relationship.
Find time to learn each others strengths and weaknesses - the more each other learn their strength, the more they need to begin each other in it as well as sharpened each other on their weaknesses. Always remember that two heads are better than one.
Defining each role clearly - Who would pay the bills? Who would do the household chores? When couples are confuse on who are to do the roles, misunderstanding follows. Sometimes, it ends up to divorce and nothing much more devastating than that, especially to kids when they have already. There should always be a definition of roles, and it should be clear enough for both to understand and be responsible with.
Handling In-laws - make sure your in-laws were properly handled as they may have their own hold on your marriage. A parent takes a long time to realize their child had departed. They tend to come between your marriage and decision making. Make sure that your in-laws have minimal influence in your home. If possible, try to have your own house, and not live with your brother and sister in-laws because if this happens, you just eliminate the sense of privacy for both of you. Also this will hinder the both of you discovering one another.
Have children only when you're ready - there's no need to hurry to have children. This situation is most common among newlywed couples. Sometimes it’s because of the pressure, they are married and they're supposed to have a child. Marriage with children is a new world together. They are added responsibility which demands both attentions of the parents, especially the mothers on the first stages. Children sometimes, steal the heat that could be abundant in a relationship. It's because the mother need to spend more time with child and less time with the husband. If it’s possible, try to delay. Take time to learn each others thoughts about having children and how to deal with it when it comes.
Be transparent, build trust - develop trust and transparency with each other. Find ways to be open to each other on how one feels about any issues, and remain liable to each other so to build up the trust factor. Do not keep things within yourself, if you feel good say it, if you feel bad, tell. There is no peaceful relationship when one hides his/her feelings and then explodes when you’re full to the rim.
Better communication – Always talked to each other. Spend not just time for each other, but make sure it’ a “quality time” and talk about anything under the sun; issues, differences, like, dislikes, just anything. When you’re away from each other, check up on each other once in awhile just to catch up. And you will see, as the day progresses, the connection between you and your partner is livelier.
Explain your expectations to your partner – as you define your roles; you also need to explain your expectations to your partner. Those unfulfilled expectations always cause a problem. It just so disappointing sometimes, even if those expectations are known by each of the couples, they often do not come true. Maybe the best point of view would be not to always expect much. Always open yourselves, in whatever “good” the both of you have committed with and work on it all the time. Learn to identify your own individual needs, and just not attached to the expectations of how those needs get fulfilled. In this way, the adventure begins, it will create exciting possibilities that both of you can experience.
Plan on your common dreams and have a consistent ethic values – Couples should always look forward, like fifteen from the wedding day. Take time to visualize as they turn out to be a considered necessary objective of your marriage relationship. A marriage without vision, as they say is dead from the very beginning. Each couple should have a concrete blue-print on how their family would exist.
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